GET IT GIRL

ROBYN CRADLE'S GUIDE TO GETTING IT ON

SCAT GOT YOUR TOUNGE?

Has your love life this HOLYgay season left you with a stench you don't want to clean up?

Did you forget to take out the (g)litter?

Do you find yourself in an ally with a TOMCAT after midnight moaning and groaning like a scat in heat?

Too much scat nip(ples) got you chasing your own tail?

....then you my dear are WELL on your way to being...

THE ULTIMATE SCAT WOMAN

Before your romantic endeavors this SEXmass leave you tangled, mangled and bo-jangled in a ball of yarn remember this - you are the master(bater) of your own universe, the power is yours young spread thigh. So go out and booze it, chooze it, and loose it (on the dance floor)

LISTEN TO THE AGE OL' GLITTER NATION SAYING

You only live once - make sure it's enough.

Fortunately enough for you SCATS have 9 LIVES, so before you let your man candy tickle your fancy feast you need to make sure to get your pussy under control and on patrol

if you want to beat the Scatman at his own game then you must become the ultimate scat woman...

DEAR ROBYN CRADLES

take no prisoners

(sexual prisoners are a different story....)

Dear Robyn,

My love life has gone down the drain recently. I just don't understand men! I've been told I'm a very attractive woman and I have many men who are interested in me. The only problem is that when I find one I like, it never seems to go the way I want. Just as things start getting serious the guy completely bails out! Do I have some sort of disease or something? I feel like I am doing everything wrong. HELP!

- Bruised and Heartbroken, brooklyn, ny

Dear Bruised and Heartbroken,

Don't let the MAN get you down!!! You are the beauty and he is the beast - and this is a tale as old as time. What gal hasn't had this happen to her? This story has been told a million times, we've all been there. Men are s(CAT's) and like all furry little creatures they have petting and biting syndrome aka they only allows a certain number of strokes before turning and nipping you in the butt, and running away with their tale between his legs. The best medicine for a broken heart is GETTING BACK IN THE GAME!!!! GO OUT WITH THE LADIES, get BODIED, and for the love of god GET SOME ACTION. So girl, follow my titty tips below, slap on some red lipstick and put on your highest heels. And you will be feeling shiny and new in no time at all.

xoxo

Robyn

1. PAIN FOR PLEASURE

Say for instance your foot hurts and all of a sudden some one slaps you in the face. How long does it take to forget about your achey foot? Probably about .2 seconds...

Point blank, if a dude hurts you all you have to do is meet some one else and you will forget all about it. Go get 'em girlfriend!!

2. DON'T SLEEP WITH THE GUY YOU LIKE

If you really like a dude, don't fuck him. Yes, It is hard to resist la temptacion of Jesus Christo but you just got to do it. It's more fun when you are running up that hill and he's chasing you hand in his pants...

Most girls when they are dating a guy think like this.... "I like this guy, why would I want to do it with anyone else?/ I'd be deceiving him if I slept with anyone else." WRONG, WRONG AND WRONG. GET THAT SHIT OUT OF YOUR HEAD -first of all and most importantly - if you sleep with some one else, HOW IS THE GUY YOU ARE DATING EVER GOING TO FIND OUT???

If you really like a guy hang out with him, get to know eachother, but wait until there is a clear emotional bond formed before you engage his member. REMEMBER- HE SHOULD BE THE ONE CHASING YOU. When you leave with your ovaries in a knot have five booty calls lined up. After you hang out with your ROMEO, you can call up Mercutio and he will take you out and eat you out (even if he's your cousin - which leads me to point#3).

3. WHO IS GOD? YOU ARE...

A Scatwoman is an opportunist and we are in a committed relationship with GOD

G.O.D = Getting. On. Dick.

Sometimes we are here to serve GOD and sometimes GOD is here to serve us. Of course there are certain limitations with GOD, but for the most part if you love GOD as much as I do you will begin to see the light. Our love of GOD drives us to do all sorts of blasphemies like flirting with our second cousin twice removed, that's legal in most states... RIGHT? At Glitter Nation we don't ever judge GOD, when GOD get's on our minds we have to do something about it, and will go to any unholy extent to get what we want.

4. If a guy doesn't go down on you DUMP HIM.

LOOK ladies, there is no wiggle room here. Why would you ever want to date a guy that doesn't like eating your puss in boots?? IF he doesn't kiss your rain and you still want to date him I need to ask you - ARE YOU fucking for real, is this guy for real??? There are no excuses if a man does not put his nose in your tulips.

You need a guy that wants to eat the fish right of the bone. Let me be clear- If you have seen his peen and he hasn't tasted your filet o' fish, DROP HIM LIKE IT"S HOT! I am speaking from experience, if a guy doesn't do it the first time, or doesn't do it at all - HE NEVER WILL.

you can't teach an old dog new tricks. Think about what a better place the world would be if every man knew how to suck a pussy like a porkchop.

5.Everybuttie is FUCKIN'

As GAGA stated "a condom is ultimate fashion accessory". This is why we love her. Look, I know it feels like 100% better with out the glove, but even that didn't stop michael jackson from wearing one. YOU never know knows who your man is banging on the side... Look, you can give your man the benefit of the doubt, but until he takes you to the altar and puts a ring on your stinky pinky he is going to do whomever the fuck he wants. SO PROTECT YOURSELF little lady!

5. How do you know when a guy's lying?....when his hips are moving...

I DON'T CARE WHAT GOLDEN GOD YOU THINK YOUR MAN IS. A man will say ANYTHING UNDER THE SUN to dittle your skittle, get your klondyke bar and take it home baby. I've LITERALLY SEEN IT ALL. Men will say/do anything if they think they have a chance of sticking their pole in your hole. If you want to break a piece off of their scatkat bar let 'em seduce you with words, but BE SMART ABOUT IT. MEN are all talk when SEX is involved - so when they say they're going to call you the morning after, don't believe them until it actually happens.

5. LITTLE BLACK...

Consider this your BIBLE: Coco Loco CHANEL created the little black dress for EVERY WOMAN...and this sexy little number is what motivated men to have little black books. The more you re-use and recycle your LBD the more you will put your digits into LBB and the more likely you will have TOM, HARRY and DICK calling you up and taking you out. There are so many men in this world, make it your mission(ary) to SEDUCE AND DESTROY.

6. CONTEMPO CASUAL

Keep it CASHual. YOU BASICALLY NEED TO DATE AS MANY PEOPLE ARE YOU CAN UNTIL YOU MEET THE ONE!!!!!

REmember you should have at least 5 guys on rotation, even if you like one of them more....

DON'T EVER LET YOUR SELF BE THE GIRL THAT DID THIS

xoxo

RCola